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Subject:	I so wish I were a real programmer
Time:	7:51 am.
Mood:	loopytired.

Yeah, so that posting of my ideas thing hasn't been quite as regular as I'd like... I've been busy with videos and audio stuff and, now, taxes. Yeay.

I've been re-learning Quickbooks because I've finally found the motivation (read: received a deadline) to get Tricky Pixie's finances in order, and I want it to be done right. So, I've been up all night - mainly because my sleep schedule has been going around the long way on some 26 hour day thing.

s00j is so tolerant of my idiosyncracies. True love.

But I'm being random, because it's late/early and I just recognized a need for a tool that would be really really cool for someone who does my job... and I might be a good enough programmer to make it into a reality. Not that I would ever find the TIME to write it. Still, I figure I'll put it out there just for the sake of sharing... and so I can procrastinate for a few minutes before getting on with the data entry.

Some of you have seen me filling out a worksheet after every show, tracking sales and inventory and stuff. There's a lot of data at the top of every one of those pages that's supposed to be filled out when the show is booked, so it will be a handy reference when we're driving cross country and need to find the venue contact's phone number and the address and exactly what time we're supposed to be showing up and whether there's a time change and whether they're using our PA or if it's outdoors or whether they're feeding us, etc. All sorts of really useful information, all collected on the top of this gig worksheet that I came up with for shows. (a moment to brag: this worksheet has really impressed some other musicians and merchants who promptly requested a copy so they could make more for their own use)

Here's the thing, though: It's a pain in the ass to fill out before the show, because I hate writing things out by hand. I have all this stuff entered in a variety of places on my computer and in my e-mail and I rarely have time to do more than jot down the relevant keywords (much less complete addresses) onto the gig sheet on the day of the show.

It would be really cool if I had a simple program on my laptop where I could enter this data and have it spit out the PDF document all nicely formatted and ready to print.

It would be especially cool if I could use it even when I didn't have internet access (if it were done in python or something using the mac gui libraries). That happens to me more often that I'd like.

Other features I'd like, since I'm on a mac? I'd like it to sync with my address book. And with iCal. The sync services libraries are there. I keep hearing about them, but I haven't got a clue how to use them.

While I'm dreaming, I think I'll write out how it might work.

It could be a simple program that would allow me to input the relevant data in a form, using tab completion for relevant areas (recognizing previously entered venues or addresses) (yeah, not simple).

When submitted, it would layer text onto a PDF template, each field going into the appropriate spot.

As a side option, it might save the relevant form data in an XML file, with sync IDs for data that was drawn from the address book.
Another option would posting the event with date, address, showtime, and relevant show notes into iCal or even straight to the web calendar or myspace and all the other online calendar pages we have to keep maintained.

This sounds like it could be written as a plug-in or extension straight onto iCal, storing all the relevant data in the iCal interface (with coded data stored in the iCal event's notes or as a file attachment)

While I'm dreaming, some clever coding would allow the user to select a consecutive series of events in iCal and generate a URL for a google-map showing the street directions between the listed address for each event.

Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	Jazz music, rhapsodies, and cover bands
Time:	12:39 pm.

note: I've been incubating half a dozen posts and ideas for posts for the past couple months, trying to perfect them as theses before revealing them to the public. In other words, they'll never be finished. I've decided, instead, to post my ideas immediately, before I lose interest, and develop them online as my interest returns (or as I'm encouraged to do so by interested readers). Thus, we begin.

Some things I think I know:

   People like listening to music they already know. They'll have music in the background, and think: "Oh, I love this song, I'll give it my attention." This is the basis of cover bands, and the reason why breaking new material on the general public is so difficult.

    This concept seems to be the basis of a lot of classical music - everybody borrowed bits from each other, revisited popular themes in new ways - Think Paginini and Rachmaninov (thanks NPR).

    Jazz music is sometimes based on the "standards" that everybody knows how to play, and audiences know how to listen to - and the musicians play with them, mess with them, trade the melodies back and forth, and play 'around' the actual music, keeping it just familiar enough that others know what they're listening to, but still creating an entirely new presentation of an established musical theme.

    Consider applying those jazz concepts to a whole new set of "standards" that everybody knows, these being the staple of cover bands the world over.

    Has anyone encountered this already? Is there a name for it?

Comments: Read 20 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	I'm So Sorry
Time:	2:09 am.

I have to admit that when I first heard s00j's song, I had to go and sulk for a little bit. I felt attacked and wounded, because I had just finished watching the Firefly series on DVD the week previous (thanks for the loan, Satyr). --- And I had stayed up late a couple nights in order to do it. I really liked Firefly and its characters and its story and its memorable lines and its potential material for lots of fandom-based humor and was looking forward to sharing it with my sweetie so she could like it too.

And then she wrote the song, forever dashing such hopes.

I will always defend my love and stand with her on her decisions. I will also be ready to defend her at upcoming Cons and fandom engagements, and standing by with medical shears and implements of retaliatory destruction, should disaster strike.

I have taken the time to look at her reasons and try to see her point of view, to see what this song is about and where it's coming from.

She digs on herself in "I'm So Sorry" just as much as she digs on anyone else. She admits she has her own afflictions (youTube, House, Californication, Dr. Who, Robot Chicken, etc) -- And anybody who has ever dressed up in browncoat or buffy cosplay can feel comfortable in knowing that s00j has gone all fangirl with a few costumes of her own. (LunaCon 2007 or Orphan's Tales Road Show, anyone?) I'm sure somebody has a few handy pictures they could link to in the comments here, for reference. She's even dressed up as David Bowie for Halloween! And we plan to create a small army of Sweeney Todds this year. (Beware the stabby hotness!)

We all recognize that good TV is as hard to find as good rap or good folk music or good anything. It does exist, and it surprises the hell out of us when we find it, and we want to share its existence with others so that they can enjoy it too. I understand the folks that are constantly telling us about the latest and/or greatest in their lives, and I appreciate the fact that you want to share it with us. I believe s00j understands as well.

Some people (like myself) cling to the rare nuggets of good entertainment that we find, holding onto them as though they are the only way to stay afloat in the vast oceans of crap that flood the daily media.

Some people take those nuggets and incorporate them into their sense of self and base their personal fantasies off of them. We all need our fantasies, and there is a wealth of good and admirable material out there for our benefit.

But it's sometimes very funny to see the extremes people will go to. If we were to stop and look at what we have done in faith or favor of our best-est, favorite-est, most awesome-est source of entertainment - in all seriousness, we could not help but laugh at ourselves. (Look at me, I gave up my house, my income, my car, my lifestyle and follow mine around the country. You don't get much more fanboy than that.)

If we can't laugh at ourselves, the world becomes worse than dull -- it becomes terrifying and corrosive.

Comments: Read 19 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	Podcast and YouTube progress
Time:	2:40 pm.

Hey all,

Working hard on getting the videos and the live concert audio sorted out... and I discovered a couple snags that I should have taken into consideration before I told everybody they'd be up by the end of the year.

I've got eight hours of audio uploaded to a new forum system I've installed at skinnywhitechick.com, which I did some basic mastering on, but they also had to be chopped up into track files, because the concert files were HUGE. That took a lot of extra time, mostly comprised of fighting with various software packages until I figured out a good method to finish up the files.

The original plan was to post a single file for each concert in podcast format, to keep the process easy and therefore more likely to get done. I forgot that when SJ does two forty-five minute sets in a show, that recording is about 100 megabytes (MP3 and AAC average about a MB per minute). Going to mono podcasts (which is fine, since they're single-channel recordings anyway) reduces the file size to about 50 MB.

Still, I've got eight hours of audio finished, chopped up, and uploaded - including several brand new, unreleased songs. SJ is going to review the audio to make sure it meets her standards, and then we'll start sending out the invitations. This is a whole lot of work, but I'm also very, very thankful for the donations you've given.

I'll be finishing up the youtube videos in the next couple days. My first two projects will be the Tricky Pixie show at SoulFood and Festival of Souls 2007.

Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	My Crimma gift to you all
Time:	3:34 pm.

What with all my begging and scrounging and pleading for money for this laptop, I know that you all deserve something in return.

So, now that I -have- the laptop (bought on my credit card, because I couldn't wait anymore), I will finally be able to do the following, which I know you will all be happy to benefit from:

I will digitize, edit, clean up, and post a variety of awesome SJ performances to youTube by the end of the year... Including some songs that aren't even on CD yet.

I will go through and process the audio recordings that I've been making of SJ's shows this year (and from years past) and I will make them available as MP3s to our favoritest people. These are not for everybody, because we don't want just anybody to have these. Our biggest sponsors of the year and our dearest friends and our dearest friends who also happen to be our biggest sponsors (funny how that works) will get an e-mail from me or SJ by the end of the year with a list of recordings to choose from.

I don't want anybody to feel left out, however, so I'm going to figure out how to do a streaming Skinny White Chick radio station where SJ's best recordings and performances will be available for your listening pleasure... but not necessarily for download. I'm not sure how long that'll take, but I'm set on making it happen as soon as I can.

Of course, if you don't want to wait for me to figure out teh internetz... you can always become a sponsor before the end of the year. Everyone who donates (to whatever cause) will get something. The people who have donated a lot will get lots of stuff.

General sponsorship stuff via paypal: sjtucker@skinnywhitechick.com
Laptop fund (not credit card friendly): laptopfund@skinnywhitechick.com

Yes, I'm a mercenary. My intention is to keep the money for my laptop from coming out of SJ's pocket.

Comments: Read 23 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	Whelmed...
Time:	10:17 pm.

I am now in Japan.

I have been here for a couple days now, and I'm not done yet. I haven't done all the things I want to do here, nor have I seen or spoken to all the people on my list yet. But I long for home (and I'm not talking about Colorado).

There are memories peeking at me from the shadows. The buildings have all changed, but the stones are still here. There are gardens and shrines and little stone niches and knick-knacks that I'd forgotten about. They leap out at me from the corner of my vision, and I am left stunned, awash in distant memories.

This space seems so unfamiliar, overall. It's changed so much in the last ten years. But there are some very old places here. Places that have resisted the tides of time, and still ring true.

Most of the people I knew are gone. Promoted or retired or simply moved on. I was hoping to find teachers and friends, but I wasn't hoping too hard. I have to accept the transient nature of this space, and I should be completely surprised that there are ANY left at all. But there are a few, and the ones who are still here do remember me, and remember me fondly. That warms my heart.

I have finally met my niece, Erin Reina Wiley, and she is an adorable creature. She is happy and healthy and perfectly mannered, and she very clearly loves her father. That's the most important part. Pictures will be posted soon.

Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	And - SNAP - the world changes again
Time:	6:26 pm.
Mood:	confused.
Music:	Tattoo Grrl - Haphazard - S J Tucker.

It was a big weekend at the end of a long couple months. Amazing, mind-opening, tragic, and altogether beautiful.

There are so many things that I've been neglecting, and this journal is one of them. Not saying that's going to stop, but I felt I should stop by and record what might be one of the more significant events in my life.

Or it might be no more than an ordinary, everyday learning experience.

This weekend, I met Sooj: The Skinny White Chick. I will never be the same. I'm infected by a fever, now. A fever that interferes with my thinking, and fills my head with fantasy worlds and hallucinations. I hear her voice coming from my CD player. I may hear her voice through my phone, later. I may see her words on my computer screen. These are all that I will have, for a while. Such is life. Maybe I'll learn Sooj Speak, the words that make no sense when looked at, but say more than they could otherwise, when listened to. I will steal her words and use them in my own context.

I'm not sure how I feel about this whole situation. I'm not sure how I want to feel. It seems to me that I'm in love with a fantasy creature... Someone that cannot possibly exist. But there she is, talking to me across the miles, and telling me everything I want to hear.

I want to drop everything and move to Memphis. I won't. I keep telling myself not to. I'm just another Chick Head, just another face in the crowd, in love with the voice and the magick on stage. How can anyone -not- fall in love with this woman? There are too many out there for a figment like myself to catch her eye. And yet, here I am.

My intellect says: Wait. Settle down. Think. Hesitate? He who hesitates is lost. I'm definitely lost, for I know not where to go. I do know that I can't stay where I am.

Whether I move to Memphis or not, I still think the time has come to drop everything and move.

Am I a fantasy creature, myself? Can I truly have such a profound affect on someone else? Can I take her words to my heart and not find myself bleeding? Can I possibly hope that I have affected her just as much? Can I afford to? I could ruin her life by interfering. I could have just lied and walked away to protect the both of us. Too late for that. I have said too much.

Like dragons and bumper stickers, I will keep on sticking on and waiting for the right moment to be seen with other eyes, real or imaginary.

And then I remember I am an Unforgettable Knight, by the crown of Gwendolyn, by rite of Lancelot. These things are not mutually exclusive. I can love and be loved, without letting go of all that I have. I can grasp at moments of tenderness and weep for the times that my love is so far away, which seems to always be the case. Denver is too close for my Karma. It must be Michigan, Texas, Tenessee, Hawaii, Pennsylvania, Boston.

Why? The answer will always be, "Why not?"

Why me? The answer will always be, "Who else?"

These are the things that keep me on my toes. This is my life, and I will live it - for better or for worse. There can be no other way. The world exists to keep us all entertained. Who would rather the alternative?

An uninteresting life is not worth living. If I keep saying that, maybe I'll remember why it's true.

"To hell with the bumpy ride." Keep going.

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Subject:	A decision that's weighing on my mind...
Time:	11:47 am.

I find myself in a quandary. I just received a job offer in a company my Dad works for that would make use of my security clearance before it goes away, pay really well (twice what I'm making now), provide benefits, and provide me with regular training to increase my skill sets.

I've worked with this company before, and I'm familiar with the facilities and many of the people, so very little is unknown about this job.

The catches:

The job is working for a large corporation, and I would go from being "Senior Developer" in a small company to being a nameless cog in a corporate machine.

My Dad is seriously looking at leaving this company because of some unnamed problems he's having with the upper management back East. He assures me that the problems he's having wouldn't affect my work environment, because he's an executive in the company, and I'd be working in the lab and therefore sheltered from it.

The job is coming open because the previous person is quitting. I know the guy who has the job now, and I've worked with him before. This makes me curious as to -why- he's quitting, but that's something I don't know yet.

There's a bit of a commute. I've been spoiled by being five to ten minutes from the office.

I like most of the people I'm working with now, and they're my friends.

It also seems like the company I'm working for now can't survive in the long term without me. If I leave the company, they'll collapse, because no one else will do for them what I do for as little money as I'm currently doing it.

Combine the last two points and you've got a real problem: It feels like I'd be abandoning my friends and possibly forcing them to lose their jobs if the company eventually goes under without me.

I'd lose a lot of scheduling flexibility. At my current job, if I feel like sleeping in a bit or taking a day off, I can usually get away with it.

Countering the catches:

I'd be doubling my income. That's a lot of freaking money, and I really need those benefits. Dental and Medical would be very nice, since I'd like to have my teeth and knees looked at sometime very soon.

I'd be escaping the stress of my current job. Having some difficulties with Artie, the boss, lately. One of those difficulties is he's trying to remove my scheduling flexibility, so that particular perk might be going away anyway.

I've also grown tired of the countless minutiae, and problematic annoyances that are constantly plaguing my workday. When people at this company make mistakes, it's usually my problem to fix them, because I'm the only one who knows how.

I'd be escaping a job that I feel like I'm giving too much while getting too little in return. It seems like I care too much and therefore worry too much and give too much of myself to this job. I work late hours all the time and sometimes voluntarily work unpaid overtime. All of this, and I feel like I'm just barely keeping up, if not falling behind.

Countering the counters:

The reason I give so much of myself to this job is because I care about this job. Isn't it better to care about your job and know your work is helping people?

The countless minutiae and problems are all too often my fault. Not all of them, probably not even most of them. But I most certainly won't be escaping them by moving to another job.

I'd be running away from my problems instead of solving them. Something I do all too often. I have to make sure I'm taking this job (if I take it) for the right reasons, instead of this very wrong one.

I'd be working for a large government sub-contracting firm. This seems like a 'bad thing' by itself. But it seems like that's where the money is, doesn't it?

Countering the counters of the counters:

I almost feel like it would be nice to have a job that I can just leave at work instead of worrying about it all the time. A job where I don't feel bad because 40 hours a week just isn't enough to get the job done. A job where I don't feel like I'm stealing money from my boss's children when I collect the occasional overtime check in order to catch up or when I hold my ground and make him pay me the bonuses and commissions I work so hard for.

If I had a job like that, then maybe I'd be able to do work that I enjoy in my free time. That time outside of the 40 hours a week that I'm tied to someone else's workload.

The balance

I guess the ultimate balance comes down to which job gives me more satisfaction in the end, and whether an extra $25,000 a year is worth a slight loss in job comfort and a slight dent in my principles.

Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:	Good Question:
Time:	2:08 am.

In response to Firdarrig's question:
> Here's a list for ya, having been thinking about such things myself: What are
> you going to be for such a person? What are you going to bring to the table
> when you find such a person.
>
> And if you try this game at all, the list I mean, be as honest as you can,
> listing every good and amazing thing about you that you can and every petty,
> small noxious item you can. It is... challenging to do. Often more for the
> good than the bad.

And this anonymous second:
> I concur. What do you have that makes these demands worthwhile? How much
> understanding are you willing to cough up?

I shall start with the obvious, parallel items.

Petite:
I'm certainly slim, although I'm of only average height.
Active:
I'm downright athletic, at times.
Intelligent:
If I must say so myself... Hell, yes.
Creative:
If I must say so myself... Hell, yes. (gryne)
Open and Honest:
Open in the terms of -being- open? That's one I'm working very hard on. In fact, I'm specifically hoping to find someone whom I can be open with.
And I don't lie to the people that are important to me.
Social and reasonably friendly:
That would be me.
A touch of the exotic and a little naughty:
Does fire spinning count? Does my very long hair count? Does my rather eccentric nature count?
And I definitely like being a little naughty at times.

I'm also fairly attractive (go ahead... deny it), have a decent sense of humor (at times), work very hard at being a good conversationalist (having something to talk about is very important) and being interesting (almost too hard, at times), and would most certainly demonstrate an active interest in someone I considered a mate.

Of course, direct questions were asked:

What do I have that makes these demands worthwhile?

I certainly feel that I am worth it. These seem to be very small requests, compared to what I could be asking for. Ultimately, the original list was simply me recognizing the simple things that are attractive to me in a woman.

How much understanding am I willing to cough up?

Anyone who knows me would know that I am a very accepting and forgiving person. I am very capable of seeing situations from the other person's point of view and understanding their needs and situation. For me, it's not nearly about 'coughing up' understanding, but simply being who I already am.

What can I bring to the table?

I work very hard at being a good partner. I have learned a great deal over the years about basic things, and I always endeavor to apply what I have learned.

Features that I work hard to maintain about myself:
Considerate
Warm
Accepting
Attentive

I am capable and willing of making decisions, when necessary, and willing to bend in favor of my partner's preferences when justified. For example, I'm very good at providing a satisfactory answer to the question: What do you want to do now? I'm always open to suggestions, but it usually comes down to me listing out a handful of agreeable options, if that fails, suggesting my favorite.

I don't steal the sheets. I don't mind cold feet under the covers. I love providing warmth to cold hands and giving long backrubs. I have a taste for romance and quiet moments, and I can (and do) go dancing just about whenever.

I must recognize my faults, however, if I am to take this exercise seriously.

I am not very good at material things. I'm very attached to my savings account, and not very attached to material possessions. I'm terrible about buying gifts for girlfriends (beyond the occasional rose), and I'm terrible about getting gifts in return. I also have a terrible habit of giving away things that I've been given.

I'm not fond of spending money at restaurants unless it's a special occasion. I've had a couple of girlfriends who really like eating out "just because", and, in most such cases, it's usually her that pays the tab. Not because I refuse to pay it myself, but because I'm so hesitant about going out to eat in the first place that she feels obligated to pay the tab herself. Fortunately for me, each of these girlfriends in question has recognized this trait in me and my unwillingness to spend money, and each has perfectly willing to spend their money on me.

I am, by nature, polyamorous and a terrible flirt, and that can be hard to accept for some people. On the other hand, for all of my flirting, I stay true to my word and to the nature of my relationships. If I'm in a monogamous relationship, then I stay monogamous. I will still flirt, though, and it doesn't mean that I stop loving other people. Love doesn't go away.

I have self-confidence issues, like anyone else. There are a lot of times when I just don't feel like being nice to myself, or even letting anyone else be nice to be. Even to the point of being self-destructive.

I'm a bit of a coward, and I'm a bit of a push-over, too. I really don't like getting angry, and will go to great lengths to avoid direct confrontations with people I care for. This can be a bad thing at times. So, sometimes I'll bend when I should have stood my ground, and sometimes I'll run away instead of solving the problem by letting an inevitable fight occur.

I have a flaky memory at times, and I'm not -completely- reliable when it comes to making plans.

I'm also absolutely terrible about leaving anywhere. I've always got one more person to say goodbye to or there's one more thing I forgot to grab in the other room or I'll get stalled by meaningless distractions. I'm late, all too often.

I also love to sleep. A lot. I'll lounge in bed for as long as I can get away with, and almost always stay in bed long after my partner has risen and started her day.

I have a lot of friends, which can get in the way, because I get very social at times and start craving group contact. And there are times when I feel obligated to visit all of them, thereby sucking away all of my already scant free time.

I get involved in too many projects at once, meaning I usually have only a little time available for other people, unless those other people are interested in working with me on the projects.

I'm a gamer. Enough said.

I don't drink alchohol, which has vexed a couple of people, because they feel about drinking around me. I really don't mind, although I'm pretty much done with dating smokers.

The list could go on and on, but it's late. So I'll come back to it, and make yet -another- list.

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